As a family you want to have a strong bond and enjoy spending time with each other, but as children grow family time becomes more precious than ever in order to retain closeness. If you are adopting a child then bonding may be a little hard at first, but if you get it right early on you’re sure to maintain that strong connection - even when they hit the terrible teens.
Here we talk about how to bond with your child and find mutual interests:
Tell Them How Much They Mean to You
A simple “I love you” doesn’t take much effort but can have a great positive effect. And don’t simply assume the child knows you want to spend time with them. Verbalising your feelings will make a child feel loved and shows that you want their attention.
Ask Questions
Show an interest in their hobbies and ask about what they enjoyed doing before they came to live with you. Don’t pry too much though as it may bring back bad memories.
Never Put Down Their Past
Never say “we don’t do that in this family/house” or “that was before” as it can be seen as criticising their birth parents. It will only reflect badly on you and no good will come of it.
Do an Activity of Their Choice
Start off by doing activities the child wants to do. Okay, so skateboarding or Moshi Monster colouring-in may not be your first choice of activity on a weekend, but it is a great way of finding out what they like and if you have anything in common.
Alternatively, give them control over where the family goes for a day trip or what is for dinner one night a week. Many children who have been adopted have had a lack of control over their lives and giving them that power can feel like acceptance.
Respect Religion or Nationality
If your child was born of a different nationality or religion to yourself make sure to respect this and show a genuine interest in their culture and beliefs. Ask them to teach you a little about it and incorporate traditions into your calendar. You could even celebrate the religious festivals together.
Know When to Ask For Help
If you and your adoptive child are finding it particularly hard to bond then get in contact with your local adoption support system. Here you can talk to parenting specialists and other families who are or have been in a similar situation.
So will you be trying any of these ideas? You may have waited long enough for a family so now is your chance to make the most of it!
